Let's go to the beach

Those hot summer days when you pack up the beach gear, fill the coolers, check you have enough tanning lotion and pile into the car to drive out to a day of fun and sun. These days, as you are dragging all that gear towards your spot in paradise near the water, you are confronted with the inevitable signs listing what you can't do on the beach. Most of these are pretty common-sense, no pets, glass containers, fires, nudity but in New Jersey, a state that relies heavily on beach tourism in it's economy, there are a lot more things you can't do now.

On Long Beach Island, one of New Jersey's most popular vacation destinations, most of the beachs there now have laws prohibiting people from digging deeper than 12 inches into the sand. It stems from an accident several years ago when a teeneger died when a hole he dug collapsed on him but there is also a new reason for it. More than 1,000 pieces of WW1 military munitions were pumped ashore during a winter replenishment project years after they had been dumped at sea. There is no guarentee that all of it had been removed once authorities discovered what had happened.

In Belmar, there is no gambling, cursing, smoking or changing your clothes on the beach and now you may not "model, draw or depict any obscene or rude figures upon the beachfront." Mayor Ken Pringle said that he can't recall ever getting a complaint about that in 17 years, most are related to the errant fly zones of Frisbees.

In Brigantine, you can't impersonate a member of the beach patrol, which makes sense for the general public's safety. Unfortunately, you also can't "revel, disport or behave in an annoying, boisterous manner emitting loud cries." The borough of Sea Bright prohibits your beach entrance if you are experiencing diarrhea or have had it in the past seven days. I can understand the health issues behind the ban but who is going to be checking for that before you enter the beach and I am very sure that I don't want that job.

In Wildwood you risk arrest if you stand beneath the boardwalk as people walk above and look up through the slits. After a vendor proposed charging people for a camel ride across the "vast" quarter to half mile it takes from the boardwalk to the water in 2000, camels are also banned from the beach there.

"We said no. Our beaches are as wide as a desert, but you won't find any camels on our sand." said Mayor Ernie Troiano

.
If this were not enough to try and remember when packing those beach items, in Spring Lake it is illegal to possess a spear gun on the beach, although I am still wondering what kind of fish you can spear on the beach. To make matters more complicated, Long Branch prohibits parking a baby carriage on the sand within 15 feet of the beach entrance. I can understand not parking it near the waters edge, but the beach entrance? Would it be blocking the "priority" beach parking there or are they just trying to keep the number of tows needed at a minimum?

Now, not only do I have to expand the list of items that are not to be packed for that great day in the sun but I may have to rethink my idea of Newark being the only reason I don't stop often in New Jersey.