Quiet, I'm concentrating

I am one of those people who is bothered when someone in the stall next to me in the restroom, not only answers a ringing cellphone but proceeds to carry on a conversation. I certainly can understand if what I am forced to listen to is an actual emergency, I can't when it mundane verbal diarrhea.

I now have discovered that Clean Seat Holland is poised to add to the noise level in restrooms across the globe. That's correct, those quiet few minutes you used to enjoy during the day in the bathroom may become a thing of the past if they have their way. Their new concept, the Clean Seat Matic, they are hoping will set a new standard for toilet hygiene.

It offers each and every user both comfort and simplicity. All you have to do is wave your hand over the infra-red sensor and the toilet seat lowers and it is completely lined with paper for that oh so sanitary comfort. The part that scares me is the new option they offer for "easy" attachment beneath the seat.

That option is a speech chip, capable of holding up to 3 minutes of recorded messages. It is set up to tell the toilet user to flush when they get up and is in any language needed. I personally know that I don't want to listen to 3 solid minutes of "flush me, flush me," so it is those remaining seconds that worry me. Take a minute and think of the possibilities....... there could be public service announcements, elevator music, added commands such as "don't forget to wash" and the worst thought to me, advertisements.

"Through the elegant design, ease of use and remarkable cleanliness and efficiency, the Clean Seat Matic sets your establishment apart from other building with conventional toilet facilities," claims their literature.

I have to agree with that, it would set you apart to have a talking toilet. I just don't need to listen to a voice from under the toilet seat suggesting I see the latest movies and such.